neurotically yours
by archy the cockroach
Summary: got your nose. [marluxia.x.axel . au . crackfic . oneshot]


"I'm bored."

"Shut up."

Marluxia rolled his eyes, lying back on the couch. Axel sat slumped in the armchair kitty-corner to the sofa, nearest to Marluxia's sock-feet, looking utterly stoned as he stared at the flickering television set.

Moments passed, and Marluxia idly turned back to the game of pro-wrestling that happened to be on the screen. The man really actually didn't like wrestling, but there was nothing else on television. The brunette yawned, scratching his outer thigh. Today was a 'laze-around-the-the-house-in-sweatpants-and-a-grimy-wifebeater' type day, and Marluxia happened to be taking just that initiative.

Axel had shown up around noon, high as a freaking kite. The man who was barely a man at all had stumbled his way into Marluxia's house, giggling his face off. Only twenty minutes ago, had Axel finally calmed down and drooped over the side of the armchair, content to just vegetate.

Marluxia sighed, reaching for the clicker that he knew was somewhere on the floor, in front of the couch. Oh, maybe it went under the couch. Marluxia let his head and chest slide to the side, and he peered under the dark, foreboding crack that was the underside of the couch.

"I'm bored."

Marluxia growled at Axel's stupidity, reaching his hand into the dark recesses under the couch. He came across the plastic, flat thing he had been looking for, and let his now dust-covered arm come back into the light.

"Well, if you're bored, leave," snarled Marluxia, moving his upper body back onto the couch. He brushed off his arm with his other hand, and soon began casually flicking through channels, half hoping that Axel would leave. Of course, as long as Marluxia still lived on the same planet as Axel, the red head would probably never leave him alone.

Abruptly, Marluxia felt weight settling on top of him. The brunette whipped his head around, and soon found that Axel was straddling his stomach, leering down at him with a smug smirk implanted on his face. Marluxia gave a slight squawk at the vulnerable position he was in, and the bigger man started to try to squirm away, but Axel had stronger legs than possible for a skinny man, effectively keeping Marluxia locked in position.

"What are you doing?" roared Marluxia, thrusting his hands upwards to collide with Axel's stomach. Even half-baked, Axel could still hold his ground. Marluxia _was_ a great deal stronger than Axel, but when the brunette was slightly panicked, he lost pretty much all resolve.

There were simple reasons for Marluxia's edginess around contact with Axel. Axel was gay. Marluxia was straight and slightly homophobic. He didn't mind having Axel as a friend, but he always got creeped out when the red head would jokingly hit on him.

And now, the older brunette was like a timid schoolgirl about to be molested by a scary teacher, lying under the red head as he froze up like an icicle. Axel grinned, bringing his right hand to Marluxia's face, and the taller man was suddenly deathly afraid of what Axel was going to do.

Marluxia soon found his nose trapped between the knuckles of Axel's index and middle finger. Pulling his hand away, Axel wiggled his thumb in between said two fingers. "Got yer nose."

Marluxia blinked for a moment, but suddenly felt his face heat up with embarrassment. Why in the hell was he scared of _Axel _of all people? The man was usually too stoned to do anything other than giggle at whatever happened to be moving.

Suddenly, Marluxia bolted upright, throwing Axel off balance. The red head toppled back-first onto the couch, slamming his head against the worn-down armrest as he flopped against the sofa. Axel gave a slight grunt as Marluxia crushed him with his weight. Now, the tables were turned, with Marluxia straddling the shorter, weaker man and Axel playing the innocent schoolgirl.

"Ack, what are you doing?" said Axel, trying to worm away as Marluxia had previously done. Marluxia was giving Axel the darkest of looks as he bent over, face only inches from Axel's. The red head visibly held his breath, a little confused at what Marluxia was about to do.

The brunette steeled his nerves, unconsciously licking his lips. His nose was almost touching Axel's by now, and his forehead was pressed up against the red head's. Axel's green eyes were wide, even as Marluxia's fluttered shut.

Axel almost winced, screwing his eyes shut, but suddenly, Marluxia's face was replaced with a rough hand. The thinner man squeaked as fingers clamped around his nose, and he opened his eyes as Marluxia pulled away, grinning. "Got _your_ nose. Hah. If you want it back, give me _mine_," said the brunette, smugly. He felt very childish, but having an opportunity to tease Axel was way too fun to pass up.

"I'm not giving you your nose back," said Axel, sneering at Marluxia. He teasingly waved his hand with Marluxia's 'nose' in front of the man's face. Marluxia scoffed, bringing Axel's 'nose' to his own face, and pretty much punching it onto where his real nose was.

"I've got your nose, now. I'd say it probably looks pretty good on me. Better than on you," teased Marluxia, thoughtfully rubbing his chin. He pushed off of the couch, "I think I'll go stare at my handsome self in the mirror for a few hours."

Axel gave a mock gasp, forcing himself to stand. He followed after Marluxia, wanting his 'nose' back. With Marluxia's own 'nose' still in hand, Axel still had something of an advantage.

In all reality, it would probably look pretty weird to see a twenty five year old man and his nineteen year old stoner friend playing 'Got your nose'. Well, it wasn't that unusual to see either of them acting like little kids. When Marluxia turned sixteen, he was low on cash, and thus took baby-sitting as a minimum wage job.

Unfortunately, Marluxia unwittingly got stuck with a pyromaniac ten year old who caused a shitload of trouble. Marluxia had been annoyed by the little red haired brat, at first. After many months of enduring the little boy's torture, Marluxia got used to foiling Axel's villainous attempts to burn the house down, and even became the green eyed kid's best friend.

Over the years, Axel grew into something of a screw up. He was openly gay, known to sleep around with various people. He was constantly smashed on pot, having to take summer school numerous times because he failed his classes from skipping so much. Even so, Marluxia was there, barking orders at the red head, forcing him to at least graduate. Eventually, Axel did, and Marluxia couldn't help but give a smug grin as Axel flipped him the bird when he received his diploma.

When Axel had finally moved into his own ramshackle apartment, he barely even lived there. Most of the time, he just stayed at Marluxia's house, plastered to the sofa with the brunette, watching television. When Marluxia wasn't working (he had somewhat regretted his own profession, as being the assistant manager of a family type restaurant) he was constantly watching TV with Axel, who seemed to never leave. Marluxia almost wondered why the red head even bothered having his own apartment.

To most people, their games of 'got your nose' would seem a little absurd. To Marluxia and Axel, they were just downright hilarious. It was really just an old habit of theirs, from Marluxia's babysitting days. Back when Axel was ten, he was somewhat gullible, and for the first few times he actually believed that Marluxia had stolen his nose. And now, to the two men, it turned into a sort of running gag.

But really, their segments of the game never got as close, physically, as they had on the couch. Marluxia was still somewhat weary of Axel's closeness. The red head had never seriously flirted with him before, and the feeling of Axel's face against his was a little weird. Sure, Marluxia was just teasing his friend, himself, but he couldn't help but still feel weird about it.

Marluxia didn't even notice that he'd unconsciously stumbled into the kitchen. Axel raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you say you were going to find a mirror?" commented the red head. Marluxia gave a chuckle, pulling a chair out from under the table, and slumping down onto it.

"Well, I suppose I could, but that would just ruin the mystery of it. Besides, I rather like having you at my complete mercy. I could crush your nose any minute, and you'd be utterly helpless. After that, I'd give your smashed, ugly nose back to you, and you could cry like a little baby on my floor," said the brunette, smirking. He had the upper hand, for once. But Axel still had his own nose. Dilemma, dilemma.

Marluxia was beginning to think they were taking this game _way _too seriously.

"I could smash your nose, too!" retorted Axel, throwing his fist in front of Marluxia's face, wiggling his thumb in between his index and middle fingers. Axel stuck his tongue out at the brunette.

"Well, now we're even," stated Marluxia, rolling his eyes. Axel mirrored Marluxia's reactions, forgetting entirely about the older man's 'nose' as his hand went limp. He padded over to the refrigerator, his hand immediately going for the freezer handle. "What are you doing _now_?"

Axel turned his head, making a ridiculous face at Marluxia as his hand disappeared into the freezer. "Gettin' ice cream."

Marluxia raised both eyebrows, giving the younger man a skeptical look. "I thought you hated milk," he said lazily, watching the red head move about the kitchen. He had to pull himself up onto a counter to reach a higher cabinet. After a moment of searching, Axel turned around, a look of utter chagrin stamped onto his face.

"You've got no chocolate syrup!" stated Axel. Marluxia chuckled, remembering his friend's slight obsession with artificial ice cream sauce. It had started when Axel was about eleven years of age, when his mother had tried to keep him pre-occupied with a bottle of chocolate syrup because the little boy kept trying to turn her clothes into paper snowflakes. Needless to say, that had spawned something of an infatuation with chocolate syrup for Axel.

"I don't eat chocolate syrup. You're a nasty man, Axel," said Marluxia, idly watching as a fuming Axel settled for getting a large, black bowl out of the cupboard. He smacked it down so hard onto the counter Marluxia almost thought that the red head might break his poor bowl.

Axel ferociously pulled a drawer open, digging in for a spoon. After that, he padded his way back to the large, 2-litre carton of ice cream. Marluxia practically winced as Axel dished up a **big** bowl of ice cream. "How in the world can you not get fat?"

Axel shrugged, throwing the bucket of ice cream back into the freezer. "I never get fat," he said, simply. The man wandered his way back to the table, bowl of ice cream in hand. Sitting himself down opposite from Marluxia, the red head began to shovel the frozen milk into the black hole that was his mouth.

After a few minutes of awestruck observing, Marluxia narrowed his eyes. "Close your mouth when you eat. You look like a cow."

"Oh, you mean your mother?" responded Axel, snickering to himself. Marluxia couldn't hold back a laugh, either, but quickly gave the red head a half-hearted push.

"That was uncalled for, I do believe," chuckled Marluxia. Axel stuck his tongue out, crossing his eyes at the brunette. The red head dipped his spoon back into the ice cream, coming back with a rather overflowing heap of the iced goodness. He was about to stick said spoon in his mouth, when Marluxia snatched it out of his hands and shoved the utensil into his own mouth.

"You bastard!" shrieked Axel, grinning nonetheless. He shot out a hand, intending to grab his spoon right out of Marluxia's mouth, but the bigger man easily dodged out of the way. Axel got to his feet, pure murder etched onto his pale face. "Give me back my spoon!"

Marluxia stood, and bolted back into the living room, yelling something unintelligible back around his spoon. Axel chased after him, and the two of them did three complete rounds of the house. Finally, back in the living room, Axel gave a battle cry as he tackled his friend to the floor.

They barely missed the coffee table, and Marluxia hit the floor with a grunt, spoon clamped in a death grip between his teeth. Axel landed, on top of him with arms held tightly around his shoulders, and his head pressed against the brunette's chest.

Axel raised himself to his knees, effectively straddling Marluxia's stomach once again. The smaller man gave Marluxia one hell of a death glare, looking quite imposing. "Give. Me. My. Spoon."

Marluxia grinned around the spoon, shaking his head thoroughly. There was no way he'd let Axel win. He half expected Axel to just get up and go get another spoon. But Axel, being the perseverant person he was, would **definitely not** give up his beloved spoon.

"I could make you give it back," said Axel, his voice filled with warning. Marluxia, being the type of person he was (a sadistic bastard), rolled his eyes. He had half a mind to just sit up and let Axel fall onto the floor, but the mere idea was erased as Axel bent over, brushing his lips against Marluxia's pulse.

Marluxia was a statue man at once, his entire body as stiff as a board as Axel ran his tongue over the skin just below his ear. He could feel the other man's warm breath, and it sent shivers down Marluxia's spine.

He heard Axel laugh softly, and Marluxia's jaw loosened. With one hand on the taller man's chest, Axel reached his other up to remove the utensil from Marluxia's lips. Raising his face again to look down at Marluxia, Axel couldn't help but laugh at the utterly fearful look on his friend's face. Games were so much fun!

Marluxia didn't really see it as a game. Really, nothing was running through his mind at the moment. His brain had crashed like his Windows 98 computer, which was collecting dust up in his room.

Axel bent down again, this time capturing Marluxia's lips. He could feel the man go rigid under him once again, and Axel inwardly snickered. Marluxia's lips were utterly slack, and the red head took the opportunity to sneak his tongue into the brunette's mouth. He tasted like ice cream, Axel noted, or maybe it was the remaining taste from his own mouth.

After a brief one-man tongue tangle, Axel slowly pulled his lips away, leaving a slight string of saliva between the two. He took in every feature of his friend's face. This was an image he'd remember for a lifetime. He'd never seen Marluxia so… afraid? No, not fear. Just pure confusion.

"And now, we're even."

Deciding that he had won his game Axel took his spoon back in hand and pushed himself back to his feet. "Aww, Billy, my ice cream is probably melted," he said, teasingly, as he disappeared into the kitchen.

Marluxia stayed frozen on the floor, eyes wide. Axel had just kissed him. Now, Axel and Marluxia were obviously good friends, and the red head respected that, usually. He'd never seriously hit on Marluxia. But right at that moment, he had utterly crossed the line.

And thus, Marluxia was a walking ball of rage.

He was on his feet in an instant, stalking over to the kitchen with no expression whatsoever. Axel stood by the counter, intending to just leave his now empty bowl in the sink. Just as he had put it down, and turned to go back to the table, Marluxia had him pinned to the counter, hands gripping the ledge on either side of Axel.

Axel blinked at Marluxia, feeling utterly trapped as the taller man stared down at him. When Marluxia lifted one hand, Axel just _knew_ that the man was going to punch him. Axel smack down. K.O. Curb-stomp those puppies.

He didn't get what he expected, exactly.

Instead of breaking his jaw, Marluxia's hand was light under his chin, barely raising his face so that their eyes were connected in an almost intense stare. Axel blinked in bewilderment, for a moment before the entire world came crashing down with Marluxia's lips onto his.

Oh.

**Shit.**

Axel gave a really, **really** high-pitched squeak into Marluxia's mouth, and intended to bolt altogether. He struggled against the strong arms keeping him locked to the counter, bumping noses with the brunette. But the man pressed on, forcing his tongue through Axel's clamped lips.

Only when Axel felt a tongue probing his mouth, did he calm down at all. Well, not really. He was still panicking in his head, but he decided to try to gain the upper hand. He met the broad tongue with his own pointy one, trying to scare Marluxia off. It didn't work, to say the least, as Marluxia pressed forward, his hips crashing with Axel's.

The red head couldn't scare away a groan, and he didn't even try to get away. Was Marluxia really gay? Or was he just screwing around?

Marluxia's hands rose from the counter, one tangling into Axel's crimson coloured hair and the other disappearing under the back of Axel's t-shirt, giving the man shivers as it ghosted across his spine.

Marluxia was definitely **not** screwing around.

With something of force, Marluxia pushed Axel onto the counter, his own body between the red head's legs. They had to break the kiss for mandatory air, but no sooner did Axel get a single breath in had Marluxia swooped down to ensnare his lips yet again.

Axel's head smacked against the back of the cupboard, as Marluxia thoroughly attacked him. The slick muscle roughly gyrating against his own tongue wasn't a foreign feeling by any means, but the fact that it was Marluxia's was still leaving Axel utterly confused.

Marluxia's lips left his own, and the man nuzzled a path down his neck. Axel's head lolled to the side, as the breathing was choked out of him. Stopping at Axel's pulse, where the problem had started just before on the brunette, Marluxia sunk blunt teeth into the red head's pale flesh. Axel tensed, back arching, as a moan crawled up his throat. Leaving teeth marks and what would soon be a bruise, Marluxia pulled his entire body away, leaving Axel slightly hard and sitting on his counter.

"And now we're even, fag."

Axel blinked at him in a stupor, looking like a confused, unpaid prostitute with swollen lips and lust-fogged eyes. Marluxia simply offered him a smirk, turning on his heel, and heading back to the kitchen.

Then, it dawned on Axel. Marluxia had been teasing him! The asshat! Axel pushed himself off of the counter, feeling utterly pissed off. But, he wouldn't show the defeat he felt in his expression.

He padded back into the living room, encountering a smug looking Marluxia. The brunette had re-assumed his reclined position on the couch. Axel gave him a dirty look upon entering the room, before jumping into his arm chair, once again.

They sat in silence, with only the constant groaning of WWE wrestlers as background noise. Marluxia seemed to be watching, but Axel was too pissed off to even think about the television. But, regardless of Axel's imminent anger, the red head knew that he had to kill the tension.

"Ow."

Marluxia gave a soft laugh, looking over to where Axel had uttered a word that was completely unnecessary. "What?"

"My pride," said Axel, bringing a hand to his forehead, covering his eyes as a grin spread over his face. "That was pretty mean, Billy. Even for you."

"Well, you did the same to me," Marluxia pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's called karma. What comes around goes around."

"Wasn't that an Alicia Keys song?"

"Shut up."

There was awkward silence, yet again.

Of course, Axel was always there to make it _more_ awkward.

"So, would you ever even consider sleeping with me?"

"Not in this lifetime."

_Axel winced as his back hit one of the white walls of Castle Oblivion. Marluxia hurriedly pushed the man further up, to his level, unzipping the front of the red head's Organization coat.The brunette gave a growl, nipping at Axel's earlobe. _

_"I'm going to fuck you into the floor."_

**End.

* * *

i'm compelled to write a sequel to this. ehe.**

so many blatant references to our rp, gabby. also, if you're wondering why axel kept calling marluxia 'billy', google 'billy ray cyrus' and think 'mullet'. ehe.

chocolate sauce, ahoy!


End file.
